A Hard Season

What a way to start the long weekend... I woke up this morning with my eye stuck shut.  I am about 99% sure I have pink eye, so I called in to work and will be calling the doctor in a little bit.  What's frustrating is that I only have one more day of paid time off left, and I am having to use it for PINK EYE.  I'm not feeling bad... it is bearable.  If it wasn't so stinkin' contagious, I would just go to work.  But, it's not allowed :-/.  So, Karis and I are hanging out. 
I guess I'll just take advantage of the day :).  Get some rest in, work on some things, and possibly catch up on laundry (we are SOOOOO behind).   

We're actually meeting my mom today to take the kids for a few days.  I'm a little torn about this decision because I want to spend time with them (I already see them very little), but tomorrow I have ESL training and Robert desperately needs to work on our car (the heater isn't working and the high has been below freezing all week).  Also, we are going to look at houses this weekend...  It would almost be impossible to look at houses with the kids "in tow."  If they lived closer, I would just have my mom watch them for the day, but because of the distance, that wouldn't make sense!  She really wants to spend time with them anyway.  I'm hoping that we'll get a good idea on a house this weekend.  It's time.  And I hate this process of house searching.  I'm hoping that things go smoothly and we can get this over with.  We'll see :).

I found out that the "Clinton House" that we've had our eye on for a while (and thought wasn't a possibility because it doesn't have appliances) is actually a possibility.  There are ways around the fact that it doesn't have appliances.  The only appliances that matter to FHA are ones that should be built in.  And there is something called an escrow holdback in which we pick out appliances, bring that money with us to closing, and the lender purchases the appliances with our money.  So, we're going to go look at that one for sure.  Then, we plan to look at some houses a little further north, which would be exactly between my job and Robert's job.  It's hard because we love the Oak Cliff area, but there just aren't houses in our price range there... in neighborhoods that we feel good about.  There are a lot more houses just a little further north in our price range, and with more to offer (more bedrooms, square footage, nicer neighborhoods, etc).  So we're just going to open our options and see what happens.  We'll bathe this decision in lots of prayer and allow God to make it clear!  I'm pretty sure we're going to stick with the Oak Cliff area because we're pretty sure that's where God wants us to be.

These past few weeks have been interesting.  I'm having feelings and thoughts that I didn't think I would have a few months ago.  I LOVE my job, but I've been struggling with working full time.  Anytime I talk to Robert and my mom about it they really just think it's because of the time of year.  I always struggle more this time of year.  They've been really focusing on telling me all of the things that I've been telling them this year about how I know that I'm called to this school and area, but I'm still struggling with wanting to continue. 
I am aware that next year will be very different because Karis will be in school, the boys will be older, it won't be my first year, and we'll have our own place... so I'm just trying to hold on. 

I had a great conversation with my pastor's wife and was reminded that we had a clear call to Oak Cliff.  I had a clear call to this school.  And until this past month, it may have been hard, but I didn't doubt my call.  Satan is using the difficulty now, memories of the past, and my exhaustion against me.  He is trying to make me doubt my call.  I need to go back to the place of my call and stick with that unless God makes it clear that He is changing my path (which, at the moment, it appears to completely be anxiety and confusion which aren't from God).  I love it that she spoke words of truth to me.  Most of my friends/family tell me that staying home makes more sense.  But I'm not sure at the moment that me staying home is God's will for our family.
I have a possibility to teach part time at an online Christian school, but I'm not sure if that's the direction that God's leading me either.  It lacks the part that I love about teaching... working in person with students.  I started filling out the application and quickly felt that it wasn't right.  I think I'm at a point right now in which I just need to hold on through this season and see what God has in store. 

"Take my life and let it be given holy, Lord, to Thee.  Take my lips in ceaseless praise and I will give it all to Thee."
"All to Jesus I surrender, all to Him I freely give.  I will ever love and trust Him, in His presence daily live. 
Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him.  How I've proved Him o'er and o'er.  Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus.  Oh for grace to trust Him more."