It's amazing how strong spiritual warfare is. The more I battle daily, the more I realize just how powerful Satan can be (and how MORE powerful Jesus is!). All of the issues that I've battled for years have been so strong at times. And the ONLY way to overcome is to spend time with my Savior and ask Him to battle for me. My anxiety, at times, is paralyzing. I always assume that it's my circumstances (hence... we have changed those many times), but everytime I change my circumstances, my anxiety follows me. Two things about this anxiety: 1) it's my "thorn" and there's no way to run from it... I just have to rely on the power of Jesus to get me through each day, 2) Satan knows just how and when to make me feel like life is falling apart. One day I can feel completely at peace and feel like life is perfect, then I start hearing the screams of Satan and I feel like life is falling apart. It's crazy. Then, when I'm "past" it, I can look back and totally see that it was Satan screaming in my ear. Another thing that I've started to notice is that Satan SCREAMS loudly, and Jesus whispers. So when I feel like I'm getting screamed at, I know it's not Jesus (though sometimes I can't see that while I'm in the moment).
Despite how hard it is, it's so good that I'm starting to see and understand where my anxiety is coming from... I think over time, I'll be able to deal with it better and better.
Another thing that I've thought about is that God must be using me or the battle wouldn't be so hard. So, that's comforting and reassuring. Satan only fights when he is being threatened.
Being a teacher in a Title 1 school is NOT easy. But I know that God is using me to reach kids and I'm thankful that He would choose me to do that. I'm just having to learn where to draw the line, and that's a hard thing to do. I have three VERY important jobs: 1) Wife, 2) Mom, and 3) Teacher. I love all of my roles... so I'm having to learn to balance them. Being a follower of Jesus encompasses all of these roles... and thankfully since He allowed me to "wear all of these hats," He'll give me what I need to do the best I can at each one. It may take some more time. And that's okay. Ultimately, God is sovereign and knew that I would need help in these areas, and that I would need time.
I've been "told" to not share stuff like this because it should be between my family and me, but I know that others who struggle like to know that they are not alone... so I'm sharing :). I've been told by many that sharing has really helped them. God can use us in so many different ways, and I pray this is one of the ways that He will use me. I would like to know that my anxiety is at least good for something!
2 Corinthians 12:7-10
"7 So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations,t a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited.8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me.9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
What is your "thorn?" What is a spiritual battle that you fight regularly? How do you overcome?