Saturday, September 20, 2008

What will people think?

I wrote this last year, and just tweaked it to make it more applicable to today. Many of these things are still struggles for me, and it was quite refreshing to re-read it.

What will people think??

As a woman, I have spent my entire life comparing myself to others. “Mommy, am I fat?” I asked my mom as I lifted “weights” at the age of four. Over the years, through the magazines, TV, internet, even just being around others, my fears of not measuring up have grown to new levels. I tend to live my life by what others think (or what I think they think). Through years of anxiety issues, every bad circumstance has become all that I can think about. With the question of how can I better myself and create a healthier environment for my family, I feel like I don’t measure up to the perfect person that I desire to be. I have constant guilt that I don’t do things the way this person does them, or this person does them.
As an individual, the things that I focus on are that I need to lose weight. I need to wear a smaller size and get rid of this “baby belly.” I need to exercise more, I need to eat better. I need to read more, I need to learn more, I need to be a better friend. I need to be a better wife, mother, daughter, grand daughter. I need to have it all together. I need to stop judging others. I need to stop worrying.
As a wife, I need to love, serve, and support my husband better. I need to keep the house clean, food cooked (and it be good!), be more organized, and stop nagging my husband. I need to trust him with everything and allow him to be the leader of the family.
As the mother of Karis, I need to spend more time with her. I need to play with and teach her all day long. I need to discipline her better. I need to be more consistent. I need to hold her more. I need to love her better. I need to take her outside more. I need to feed her better. I need to be more patient with her. As the mother of Ethan, I should still be breastfeeding. I gave up too fast… I didn’t try hard enough or long enough. I should have persevered even though it was hard. I must be doing something wrong because he’s so big. I should follow all the “rules” and what everyone tells me I should do.
As a follower of Christ, I need to make sure that I am always following God’s will. I need to spend quality time with Him every day. I need to be 100% focused on him, and do things that He wants me to do. I need to pray continually, be focused on others and how I can serve them, and love every one unconditionally.
As a teacher, I need to make sure that all of my students are understanding everything that I say. If they don’t do well on something, it is my fault. If their parents call me with an issue that really isn’t my fault, I automatically make it my fault. I have a hard time being confident in myself because I think that I have to be a perfect teacher.
Through all of the hard circumstances, I am truly beginning to understand how much I am loved by God. All He wants is an intimate relationship with me, and for me to trust Him and His will. Why is that so hard to let go and give control to my savior; a savior that is so amazing that there are no words to describe Him?
I am never going to be perfect, people are always going to judge me for what I do or don’t do, I will probably always judge others, and I will always struggle with anxiety because this is my “thorn.”
It’s at the moments that I feel like I can’t go on anymore that I feel the power of Jesus lifting me up. My anxiety causes something that I wouldn’t have otherwise- the need to have complete reliance on Jesus Christ.
The more I run away from Jesus and try to take control, the more my life is going to be out of control. The more I try to handle things on my own, the more space I create between Jesus and I, and between Robert and me.
The more difficult situations I push through with the power of Jesus, the stronger I become.
I can’t just keep running away when things get hard. My anxiety won’t get better just because a specific circumstance changes. The more I allow Jesus to be the one to control those circumstances, the more I will see His power in my life. This will decrease my anxiety, and increase my faith and trust in Him.
I have an amazing family, amazing friends, and an amazing Savior who loves me more than anyone. That’s all I need. Who cares what other people think.
It's funny how I always think that changing circumstances will be the magic button to make things better, and make me be less anxious. I am learning that life is just hard and the only thing to truly help me with my anxiety is total reliance on God. I desire to truly glorify God in all that I do, and anywhere that I am. I desire to follow His will, whatever that may be, even if it doesn't make sense to people.

Friday, September 19, 2008

My other blog

I post more on this blog:

It has a lot of things that I/we do for our family- cloth diapering, cooking, home made cleaners, lessons for Karis, etc. I enjoy adding to it!

Cloth Diapers

It's so nice to know that I will never run out of diapers. We still use disposable when we know we're going to be out all day, but most of the time we use cloth (BumGenius).

Meals this week

My husband and I have been experimenting with some different meals this past week, and I thought I would post them on here :). Most everything is natural/organic. It was all VERY good :).

This is a salad with spring mix lettuce and spinach, diced grilled chicken, black beans, avocado, cheddar cheese, salsa, and torilla chips on the side.

Chicken marinated in Ken's steak house italian dressing, grilled, with provolone cheese on top; noodles with some light alfredo sauce and broccoli;
Salad with the chicken and noodles- has garden fresh tomatoes and vinaigarette dressingWhole grain penne noodles with "pink sauce"- pasta sauce mixed with a little bit of alfredo over home made meat balls; home made whole wheat bread with some real butter on it.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Weekly Lessons

I'll be back later to write more, but for now I wanted to give you a link to the lessons that I've written for Karis. Some of the ideas in my lessons I got from Some of them I made up myself. Many of the finger plays I got from a book that I have called Finger Frolics.

See if this works:

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

My grocery shopping experience

I just have to brag about my grocery shopping experience yesterday!!! :) We forgot our list, and it turned out better that we did. Normally I buy what's on sale, what items have coupons, etc. That normally turns out to be a lot of food that isn't natural or healthy. I have wanted to get away from that (we used to eat a lot healthier), but didn't think we could afford it. Yesterday, we bought mostly organic/natural items, and we only spent $64 for the week (including formula)!! We didn't buy anything that we didn't need, and everything we bought was healthy! I'm so excited, and looking forward to grocery shopping in the future!!