Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Life is full of uncertainties... praise God that He never changes

Through the uncertainties that we've had lately, we've been praying through some things. One, is God just pruning us and putting us through these hard times so that we can grow to be more like Him and be fruitful? Two, is He pruning us, but also showing us that we are not doing what He has called us to do. Since we moved here, Robert hasn't felt like what he's doing is what he is called to do. He's good at construction, but it's not where his heart is. Over the past few weeks, through some specific situations, we have been questioning if we are where we are supposed to be. When we left the camp, we left because I just thought it was too hard, and wasn't willing to stick through it. Since, I have found out that life is just hard, no matter where you are or what you're doing. Through the hard times, you learn to rely on Jesus and you become more like Him. I am also beginning to learn how to allow my husband to be the leader- submitting to him no matter what. Lately he has been feeling that God is calling us back into camp ministry- where he feels like he has belonged for a long time. We're not really sure what that means right now, where we will go, when, how, anything... we are just praying and checking out the possibilities. A change could happen in a few weeks, a few months, or maybe longer... only God knows right now. I do know that Robert's passion is at camp, and if that's where God wants us, I am willing to go and follow. Since we have moved to San Marcos, we have moved 3 times... to the first 2 bedroom apartment, to the 3 bedroom apartment, and now to the house that we're living in. We have felt unsettled the whole time we've been here. I have applied for I don't know how many different jobs, tried to stay home, tried just about everything. I feel that there is a reason why I don't have a permanent job right now. Of course, there is a reason for everything, whether or not it makes sense to me. So, in the mean time, we're just living life, serving God, praying, not knowing where we're headed.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

God is the Orchestrator of Circumstances

It's funny that when I think things are so perfect... imperfections show their ugly face quickly, and life is thrown more kinks. I guess I need to just get used to that! Life is full of imperfection, and change...
Robert's job is so "iffy" right now (I can't go into details), even though I like my job, I have to take the week of Thanksgiving off, and 3 1/2 weeks for Christmas, which means a small paycheck. Then, I only have one full month of a paycheck, and my job ends on March 7th.
So... I don't know where we're headed right now. Please be praying for us, yet again. We have another option, but I'm not sure about it right now. We're just praying. When will we ever just settle into one place in life? Things have been up in the air for the past year...

The funny thing is, I don't know that I'm as frustrated about things changing, or about how silly we look to be making so many changes in such a small amount of time... that it probably seems like we're trying to find some kind of "perfect life" that we're not going to find. The thing is, we know that nothing is perfect... if we've learned anything over the course of the past year, it's that the grass is NOT greener on the other side... but we just want to feel like we belong. We want to do something that we know we were created to do. If we knew that we were doing what we were created to do, we would have more perseverance to get through the hard times because those will never go away.

I was reminded when I read "My Utmost for His Highest" this morning, that God is the orchestrator of all circumstances (he does things and allows things to happen for a reason)... so I can rest in that.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

I don't know if this makes sense...

It's interesting that when things start to go well, it's so easy to start relying on yourself and not on Jesus. You would think it would be the other way around. But, its in the times when life seems out of control that you have to hold on hard to Jesus. In those times, your identity is drenched in Him. I spent the afternoon today at Mochas and Javas just praying and seeking God. It was refreshing. I need Him in the good times and bad. I need Him when life is falling apart and when everything is going as desired. Just a few days away from Him creates a huge space. Because of that huge space, Satan can put a lie into my mind that I don't need God... look how well things are going. But, it's not about the circumstances. That's what God has been teaching me. I could feel that space, and it was making me look at things in a more wordly view.
Thank you Jesus, for putting me in my place. This life isn't about me, it's about you, no matter how good or bad things are. I wouldn't be who or where I am today without you.