Friday, December 28, 2007

Our journey

Robert was sick for a few days, so it gave us some good family time. It's hard because financially it was bad that he was home, but it was sure good for our marriage and family. He has been working so much that I feel like we haven't had a chance to just sit and talk and pray like we need to. So, we've been doing that a lot the past few days. I think God knew that we needed it. Over the past few months God has really been working on us (well, really over the past year and 1/2). He has been working on Robert in the spiritual leader aspect, and he has been teaching me how to be more submissive and support my husband. He has also been making our desires the same. Since we got married, I always thought that I wanted a "normal" life. Camp was too crazy- Robert didn't have an 8-5 m-f job, we didn't have a house that was our own, we didn't have the opportunity to go to church like "normal" people, Robert didn't get paid much (at least we thought!!), etc. Through this past year 1/2, I have realized that Robert and I aren't the "normal life" type of people. We are now both called into camp ministry, and it is an amazing thing. For me to have the realization that the "normal life" isn't for me is HUGE. I always told Robert how much I wanted a normal, non-crazy life, and now I think it's boring! I feel like we are not doing what we were created to do.
As we both sit back and look at all that we have done throughout our marriage, the thing that we felt the most fulfilled by was being an open home for the staff, interns, and SMT's at the camp. We LOVED having them over almost every night, playing games, having "American Idol nights", eating, listening to music, talking. I look back now and think that it could have been much more productive, though. Whenever we end up back at a camp, I know what I will do the same, and I know what I will do differently. I was always so caught up in myself to actually love on and minister to the people that were always in our house. I always thought that my life was so hard and bad that I couldn't see past my anxieties. Now I know how blessed I am and am thankful that God has allowed us to go through what we have gone through and desire to share that with others.
I've finally come to a point in my life in which Robert and I are on the same path- where ever that path may take us. It doesn't make the waiting any easier, but it will help us get through it day by day. Please pray that God will open the right door, in His time and that we will just have peace until that happens.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Do you trust Me?

Yesterday during worship, God kept asking me a question over and over again... "Do you trust me? Do you trust me?" I say that I do, and I think I do most of the time, but I really wonder if I do. I constantly try to take things into my own hands and He has really shown me lately that it doesn't work. Robert and I have no idea what to expect even next week, and I know that God wants it that way. The only way to get through is to learn to trust Him. To know that He knows what's best and He has a plan. I have been frustrated with Him because in my eyes He wasn't providing for us. All of our bills have constantly been late (not because we want to!) and we don't have enough money to cover our expenses (we've been paying bills late in order to buy food and gas). To me, it felt like God was just hanging us out to dry. I was angry and didn't want to praise Him. I see how He has provided for friends and family by randomly giving them money from people, and that has never happened to us. It's selfish to think that way, but I'm human.
I don' t know how, but things are working out this month. I don't know what next month looks like, but if He was able to make this month (the worst so far!) work out, then I know next month will too! It looks like we might be able to buy a few gifts for Karis even! And go to a movie for our anniversary! Those things aren't much, but it's a huge jump from where we were a few weeks ago. Praise God for His provision. I don't know why I doubt and why I don't trust, but it is difficult when things just keep getting worse. He is stripping everything away until I am completely dependent on Him. I still don't know how we're going to get my transmission replaced, but again, I know God will provide.
We have no idea what's going to happen after the 1st of the year... we're just living each day with a vague idea of the week and we'll go from there! That's all we can do.

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Live for today

So Robert and I have had a rough, long few weeks. We've decided through everything, that we need to just live as if we are staying here. We are still praying through where we are to go from here, but for now, we just want to be content with where we are. We're still going to pursue camps for a while, but if a door doesn't open, we'll be okay. Hopefully we'll know soon if we are supposed to stay here or go to a camp! Until then, please be praying with us!