Taking a Break

I have struggled with balance with being online for a long time now, and God has made it clear that in my life, it's creating bondage.  I have decided that I need to take a break for my family and myself.  I don't know if it'll be forever... But at this point, I just don't know!  I'm going to make it so I can only see my blog for now, and I'm going to deactivate my facebook account (it can always be re-activated!). 
I think this will be a wonderful time of truly getting to know my family and enjoying life. 

If you want to get in contact with my, my email address is courtneycrosland@gmail.com. 

I will wait a few days just in case you want to get a recipe or something! 

Moving On

I wrote a long blog post earlier and decided to delete it... I read it again and decided it was just negative... I was in a bad mood and wanted to get it out. So, I did and now I'm moving on :-).

I had a great day today! I got up early, spent time with Jesus first thing. Then I got some things done around the house and took the kids to a spray park (then we played in the water at home, ate ice-cream, and ALL took naps!). Tonight I'm having a girl's night with my friends. I'm excited!

Sorry for the bad attitude earlier! I'm moving on!

Busy Summer

So… as soon as summer hit I realized that I’m going to be very busy.  I had all these plans including doing the childbirth education training, and now I realize that I won’t be able to do that.  It’s just one more thing on my plate that I don’t have time for!  I emailed to cancel (and all future payments) and was told that if I want to enroll again in the future that they will apply what I’ve already paid to that (though I haven’t paid much… luckily!).  She did say that they won’t allow me to do payments again… that I would have to pay all at once.  But, that’s okay because I don’t think I’ll be able to do the training even in the next few years (realistically).  I feel much better to have taken that off of my plate.  I am passionate about childbirth education, but I just don’t have time for it right now!  I have to pursue one (or two) passions at a time, and right now my family and teaching are all I have time for!

Last year I decided to clear my plate and start over… and I’ve decided to do the same this summer (and probably will every summer!). 

As most people know… I have SO many expectations for myself and I can’t ever meet those expectations… So, I start getting stressed out, have little anxiety attacks, then get depressed because I feel unworthy.  It’s a vicious cycle, really, and it needs to stop.  I don’t want to live my entire life that way. 

I have learned to let go of many things, but some things I still struggle with… I go back and forth about a lot of things, and I hate that about myself!  I wish I could just make a decision and go with it!  Let my yes be yes and no be no. 

Just like I talked about in my last post, my goal is to enjoy each moment and not stress over the small stuff!!

This quote spoke volumes to me yesterday:

“Both worry and stress reek of arrogance. They declare our tendency to forget that we've been forgiven, that our lives here are brief, that we are headed to a place where we won't be lonely, afraid, or hurt ever again, and that in the context of God's strength, our problems are small, indeed.”
- Francis Chan, Crazy Love

It’s amazing how much I allow little worries to RULE my life…

Enjoying Each Moment

As I spent some amazing, relaxing time with my family, I realized one thing: I over-think and over-process non-stop and miss out on so much.  I didn’t realize until now!  As my mind clears up, I begin to be able to truly enjoy things as I’m in the moment.  I’ve had chances to teach Karis some new games… we went to the beach and played… we watched some movies… went fishing… we went to the Texas State Aquarium… and all without thinking about much except enjoying my family!  Here are some pictures of our trip so far… The aquarium pictures are on my camera and aren’t available at the moment, so enjoy the pictures from my phone :).

   

Your Life is Good Enough

I read a blog the other day with this title... and it honestly it home.  I spend so much time trying to figure out how to make my life "better" that I don't enjoy what the Lord has given.  I spend so much time trying to control everything, that I'm not very intentional about developing close relationships with those around me. 

More important than whether I work full time or not, whether I feed my family (and myself) perfectly or not, whether we use natural products or not, whether the house is clean or not, is just nuturing my family and friendships.

Relationships are way more important than anything else...

I will be very intentional about enjoying the time that I have with the kids during the summer, and I'm also thankful that God knows me better than I know myself, and He has provided me with a job that allows me to do what I love (teach) and be home with my kids every evening, weekend, holiday, and summer! 

I'm also realizing that life with three (young) kids is just hectic... working or not.  And I'm learning to be more realistic.  My dream about this summer is that I would make everything from scratch, start buying ONLY organic and natural, etc... and I'm realizing (very quickly) that it just doesn't matter that much!  I have learned a good balance over the past few years, and I've decided to just continue that balance and stop worrying about being perfect in that area.  In the grand scheme of things I'm truly realizing that there are only a few things to be completely focused on... and that's Jesus, family, and friends.  The other things are good but not worth so much focus, time, and money. 

I'm tired of feeling completely weighed down by expectations (that I put on myself).  I want to experience freedom!  And I have that in Christ so why do I weigh myself down? 

It's interesting how many people struggle with anxiety and depression (including myself) and I believe it's because so many people live (in their own power) to do things a certain way because of expectations that come from others (whether or not they will admit it).  Mommy guilt is so big these days because of expectations.  It makes me sad! 

So, mommies, let go of mommy guilt!  Let go of others' expectations!  Let go of what you can't do or can't change!  Move on!  Just love God and love your family and focus on what matters in this life... relationships and doing what God has called you to... whatever that may be.  Whether you stay home, work part time, work from home, work full time... If God called you to it, God called you to it.  Your life is "good enough!"  Enjoy it.  Right.  Where.  You.  Are.  Whether or not it makes sense.  Whether or not you like the situations you are in.  Whether circumstances are great or tough.  Whether you're living in plenty or in want. 

"I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound.  In any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need."  Philippians 4:12

I'm also reminded that I am who I am and it just doesn't matter what others think.  It only matters what God thinks.  And He made me just the way that I am for a reason and a purpose... for His glory.  We are all made perfectly, in His image, and for His purposes... we are a part of His plan!  How amazing is it that God would use us, humans, for His glory and purposes! 

Thank you, Jesus, that Your plan is perfect even when we don't understand.  I pray that you would replace anxiety and depression with joy and contentment.  Help us to all be intentional about what You have called us to! 

Summer Starts TOMORROW!

As hard as it is some days to be a teacher, one BIG thing that I'm thankful for with teaching is having SUMMERS OFF!  There is not another job that allows that!  So, today, I'm choosing to be thankful to God for providing me a job that allows me so much time off with my kids :). 

Even though I'm glad that summer starts tomorrow, I'm anticipating all that needs to be done this summer and the many trips we will be taking.  I'm a little nervous that it's going to be a crazy, busy summer!  Between going to Rockport, going to Colorado, school time with Karis and Ethan, projects around the house, organizing for next year, going to the zoo lots, working on my childbirth educator training, etc, it's going to be busy!  I looked at my calendar the other day and realized that it's pretty full!  But the one great thing about that time, even though full, is that I'm with my family! 

I feel like I've talked about summer a lot already, and it hasn't even started yet ;).  But this anticipation is killing me!  :)