So… as soon as summer hit I realized that I’m going to be very busy. I had all these plans including doing the childbirth education training, and now I realize that I won’t be able to do that. It’s just one more thing on my plate that I don’t have time for! I emailed to cancel (and all future payments) and was told that if I want to enroll again in the future that they will apply what I’ve already paid to that (though I haven’t paid much… luckily!). She did say that they won’t allow me to do payments again… that I would have to pay all at once. But, that’s okay because I don’t think I’ll be able to do the training even in the next few years (realistically). I feel much better to have taken that off of my plate. I am passionate about childbirth education, but I just don’t have time for it right now! I have to pursue one (or two) passions at a time, and right now my family and teaching are all I have time for!
Last year I decided to clear my plate and start over… and I’ve decided to do the same this summer (and probably will every summer!).
As most people know… I have SO many expectations for myself and I can’t ever meet those expectations… So, I start getting stressed out, have little anxiety attacks, then get depressed because I feel unworthy. It’s a vicious cycle, really, and it needs to stop. I don’t want to live my entire life that way.
I have learned to let go of many things, but some things I still struggle with… I go back and forth about a lot of things, and I hate that about myself! I wish I could just make a decision and go with it! Let my yes be yes and no be no.
Just like I talked about in my last post, my goal is to enjoy each moment and not stress over the small stuff!!
This quote spoke volumes to me yesterday:
“Both worry and stress reek of arrogance. They declare our tendency to forget that we've been forgiven, that our lives here are brief, that we are headed to a place where we won't be lonely, afraid, or hurt ever again, and that in the context of God's strength, our problems are small, indeed.”
- Francis Chan, Crazy Love
It’s amazing how much I allow little worries to RULE my life…