Sunday, January 9, 2011

Trying to See the Bright Side... But Struggling

I feel as though I can't shake this depressed state... I feel like things are so far from what I ever imagined, and some days that's hard to take in.  I have no motivation to clean up the house, work on school stuff, etc.  I don't know if it's just that time of year or what, but I'm not sure what to do about it.  I have a constant nervous feeling in my tummy and am very anxious.  Just a few weeks ago I felt as though everything was exactly the way it should be, and now I'm feeling the complete opposite.  It's truly depressing.  It's hard to understand things.  It's hard to function right now.  I have piles of laundry to wash, the house is getting messy very quickly, a pile of papers to grade, etc, and I just have to desire to do anything but sit here. 

Yesterday we went and looked at two houses.  One of them felt like it was great for our family, and it is very inexpensive (the one I posted about yesterday). 
Then, we went and saw this house:
I fell in love with this house!  It is on a double, HUGE lot.  It is almost 2000 square feet.  It is the model home for the neighborhood, and it was built in the 20's.  The backyard is amazing... I could see the kids playing back there all the time... Making forts... Sleeping in tents during the summer.  It took my breath away.  And best of all, it is in our price range!  It's at the very top of our budget, but it's still in our budget :).  So I decided to contact my realtor (who is out of the country... I feel bad for bothering her!), and she decided to find some things out about it.  She found out that it needs some repairs... so unfortunately we wouldn't be able to get FHA financing. 

So, then I went back to the house on Clinton.  I found out that that house won't get FHA financing either because it doesn't have kitchen appliances.  How silly is that?!  How does that affect the safety??!  So... then we were back to square one. 

Robert and I were talking last night.  Maybe we won't be able to get a house in Oak Cliff at all because houses that we can afford are either in awful neighborhoods, or they're foreclosures and have some kind of issue.  And what's annoying is that we don't mind making repairs... but FHA won't approve houses that need repairs.  So we started looking in other places (other parts of Dallas, Carrollton, Plano, Richardson, etc).  There are TONS of houses that are in good shape, are bigger, have more bedrooms, and would pass FHA inspection in other areas.  But, we talked about how we just don't feel right about looking elsewhere.  Right now we're sifting through whether Oak Cliff is where we're called or if it's just where we want to live so I can be closer to work.  Because I can't move somewhere just because I work there... who knows if I will work there in 2 years?  But we LOVE our church and already have developed a community there... so we can't imagine being anywhere else.  And we have felt a definite call there for several months.

I then decided to look into the Clinton house a little more.  I had read that it was available for 203k FHA financing, but I didn't really know what that meant.  Well, apparently it's a type of financing that you can get to fix up a house (it's called the 203k Rehabilitation Loan)!  And it's an FHA loan so if you qualify for a typical FHA loan, you qualify for a 203k loan!  The requirements are something that we can deal with ($5,000 minimum, you have to make actual repairs before you can do cosmetic work, etc)... in fact, it may be just perfect for our family.  It really could use a new roof, and the laminate floors ripped out (and refinish the hardwoods, the kitchen completed, etc).  Even if we end up putting $20k into fixing it up (which would just go straight into the loan), we will still be buying an inexpensive house for the area (right about $100k).  And not only would we get a great house, but we could fix it up before we move in (and we can choose any contractor and possibly fix it up ourselves)!  Robert has been talking about even adding a bedroom to the back (which could be done pretty easily).  So, it's an ideal situation IF the house isn't gone before my realtor gets home!  I'm just praying that it'll still be there!  I'm trying really hard to let go, but it's hard.  We know that the 2 week slow down period is there for a reason... and I believe that reason is so that we can refine our calling... and to gain a little patience... And to learn to trust... But it's so hard!  And right now I just feel gloom about the whole house search situation.  I have to remind myself constantly that if God wants us there, He will provide the perfect home for our family.  And if He doesn't, then He will make His will known.  I just know that things would be so much easier if we had our own place.  It's hard to wait!

Ugh... I would love it if this gloomy feeling would go away!!  (the gloomy weather doesn't help!)

Off to pray and spend time with Jesus.. I need Him desperately. 

Thanks for allowing me to be real with you.  It helps me SO much to sift through things on my blog. 

1 comment:

Danielle said...

Ok, well I came across your blog by accident, and I just wanted to tell you to hang in there! Being a working mom to 3 kids is hard! I know because I also do it!! I have often times struggled with depression as well, so I know it is difficult to get out of the fog at times. You are not alone! -Danielle