The other day, I posed the question on facebook, "Why do people feel the need to make their life seem so perfect on facebook, or in general?" What I was referring to mostly is the people who put on a front... are fake... make life seem so perfect in one instant, then in the next, be completely negative/cause strife with others, forcing their convictions on others, or are going through a really hard time and don't want to let anyone know. Through talking with people who struggle with some things in life, that "fake-ness" has been a stumbling block in their lives...
I have always been a very "real" person... I am who I am online as I am in person, and sometimes that person isn't happy-go-lucky.
Anyway... the responses to my question were definitely interesting! There were a wide range of opinions (each one I could see their point of view), and the one that stuck out to me the most was the verse, Philippians 4:8, "Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think of these things."
Those thoughts were really good for me to hear. I can't say that I was expecting that, but I'm glad that she wrote it because I needed to hear it. I'm not saying that it's bad to be real in all areas of life (because I will always be real!), but saying that maybe my being "real" needs to be focused on the good and not the imperfection.
Since then, every time I have thought an anxious thought or started sinking into my normal feeling of depression (which is so easy for me to sink in when I'm home a lot), I forced myself to think positive thoughts. It's not a "fix-all," but it does help :).
Something else that I've gone through this past week has helped me to think about who I am (again)... who God has made me to be... and learning to be okay with it and not care what others think so much. Friends/family either love me for who I am, or they don't :). I can't be someone that I'm not to make others happy. I've come to the conclusion that I am a passionate person (about everything)... I think deeply, love deeply, feel deeply, and hurt deeply. I process everything out loud. I struggle daily with anxiety, and I am learning to overcome it (day by day) with the Lord's help. It is a my "thorn," forcing me to rely upon His power to overcome it. I share my struggles because it helps me AND it may help others along the way. In fact, I have been told by many that it HAS helped them... and if my story/struggles can help someone else, then they are worth it. I try to always bring things back to glorifying God/sharing what God has taught me, but it may take a while as it sometimes takes a while to learn something ;). And even when I have learned, I have to learn some things over and over again until I REALLY get it. "Some people gotta learn the hard way..." (DC Talk). Hehe.
As far as my calling (teaching) and not allowing Satan's lies to affect me, it has taken me almost a year to overcome this! But I can honestly say that I am truly content with this area in my life... and I'm thankful for the (almost) year that I had to process because it has truly refined my calling and has made it a deep desire and passion within. I think if I hadn't spent time processing, then I wouldn't be to this point yet! At this point, I can't imagine NOT teaching, and that's right where I need to be because that's the gifting that God has given me to serve and glorify Him! I'm so thankful! I looked back at some blog posts/journal writings that I did, and it is SO evident that I was trying to run away... and that the calling has been there all along. Praise God for His peace in this area!
Today, I'm choosing to think about things that are true and lovely :). God has blessed me with a relationship with Him, an amazing (and supportive!) husband, beautiful children, parents that would do anything for our family, friends that would do anything for our family (and love us right where we are!), a job that is the perfect fit for me, a wonderful home in a great neighborhood, a wonderful church right down the street (as well as an awesome small group of families that we meet with!), and most importantly peace! Many of these things we have prayed about for a long time... and God not only blessed us with them, but blessed us abundantly!
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