Saturday, November 16, 2013
Peace and Blessings
I have been working through so much this past week. Instead of focusing ON the anxiety, I decided to see if I could figure out why I was anxious (often times I'm so anxious and I don't know why). Tuesday morning, I woke up super anxious and Robert asked me if I wanted to talk through it. Even though much of the time it doesn't help, I decided to talk through it. With-in 5 minutes I figured out what had been bothering me for the past few weeks. I literally felt a weight lift right away. And it has been gone (mostly) ever since.
This week, when I have had moments of anxiety, I went to the root of it right away and tried to work on WHAT was making me anxious before it took me over.
I think the peace is a combination of finally finding the right medication, and finally learning how to work through it. I feel that God has brought me to this. It has been a prayer for so long, and this summer I finally came to a place in which I couldn't live with it any longer. I gave in and sought treatment. God is using this team (the doctor, counselor, my family, and friends) to help me, and I'm so thankful for that.
It has been an amazing week. I have enjoyed each day. For the first time in a LONG time, I walked around feeling joyful, and it has allowed me to enjoy things so much more. I have been able to SEE the blessings that God has given our family.
This past Thursday evening, I was able to truly "be in the moment" with my kids for the first time in a while. I'm typically so anxious that it's hard for me to enjoy them. I cuddled with Levi in his bed while he shared with me all that he's learning and doing at school. He showed me with his finger in the air how to make a letter E and e, he told me all about playing with cars, blocks, puzzles, etc. He sang a little bit of the Christmas program to me. He told me about Daniel and the Lion's Den. It blessed my heart to hear just how much others are pouring into him and how well loved he is, even when I'm not with him as much.
I listened to Ethan read to me and sat in awe of the fact that just a few months ago I thought he was really going to struggle with reading. Instead, he's doing great. He's reading on a level C, which is amazing, and he writes complete sentences. He also made 100% on his first math assessment. He's so into everything that has to do with learning.
As I was reflecting, I began thinking about all of the other blessings in my life as well.
Karis amazes me. Her love for learning is constant. She is a reader and writer. She reads all the time. She has a journal in which she writes poems and stories. She does really well with math (everything comes pretty naturally to her). She is sweet, and likes to help take care of things. This afternoon, I'm going to teach her how to bake my bread because I want to eventually pass it on to her and maybe make it her job :-). She's super excited about this!
Robert has been there for me in "sickness and in health" for sure. He's there in my best moments, and he's there when I struggle to function. He takes care of everything when I need him to. He's my best friend. I love spending time with him. I love just sitting with him. I don't know what I would do without him. We are celebrating our 10 year anniversary next month, and I can't wait to spend time with him, alone!! The day after Christmas, we are leaving our kids with my parents, and we are headed to Brownwood State Park to stay in a cabin for several days. We will get to relax, play games, go hiking, and just be. It's going to be so refreshing!
I'm so thankful that even though we're not doing exceptionally well financially, we are doing better than we ever have, and it will only get better. Because we have struggled financially for so long, we are in the "catch up" phase. It'll take us a while, but once we're caught up, we can start getting ahead. At this point, it's refreshing to be able to buy groceries, gas, and pay bills without worrying how we're going to make it. God has provided for our needs, and that's the most important thing! Before I got this job, we struggled to make it from one pay day to the next... we couldn't buy much food or gas... we couldn't do anything extra. It was very hard. It's nice to be able to buy groceries and even go out to eat once in a while. We can buy clothes and shoes for the kids. It's just nice to have our needs met!!!
I'm SOOOO looking forward to Thanksgiving break. I have plans for the kids! It's going to be so fun and relaxing!
Praise God for His peace and joy!!