“Use me, break me, waste me on you. Ruin me. Take me. Waste me on you. To starve is to feast and less of me is more of Jesus. Lord, I want it all. Lord, I want it all. If I lose my life, I gain everything. Lord, I want it all. Lord, I want it all. Use me. Break me. Waste me on you. Ruin me. Take me. Waste me on you. To starve is to feast, and less of me is more of Jesus. Lord, I want it all. Lord, I want it all. There is power in the blood. There is victory in Jesus. Come in power, wash me clean. Overwhelm me with your presence. There is power in the blood. There is victory in Jesus. There is glory in the cross. Help me find my gain in loss.”
These words of a Shane and Shane song are powerful. I'm truly experiencing this right now. Satan has been tormenting me ever since we've made our decision about me just working part time and doing our children's ministry. Robert went about 4 weeks without a pay check (long story), so instead of being ahead financially (all bills paid, money in savings), we are now behind. Automatically I think, did we make the right decision? And automatically Jesus tells me, "yes, just trust me." I desire to be used by Jesus until I am no longer the person that is seen. I want to be someone that sees Jesus when they see me. I want to be completely stripped away of who I am in the flesh.
I had been taking anxiety medication and stopped taking it about 2 weeks ago and I feel myself really struggling again. I am exhausted all the time (which I know now is a result in be anxious 24/7), and I am fearful of making it from day to day. And I continue to hear the words of Jesus, "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown in the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O You of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'what shall we eat?' or 'what shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Matthew 6:25-33. "Count it all JOY, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have it's full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:2-4 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with THANKSGIVING let your requests be make known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7
I could go on forever, but I will leave you with words so much better than my own :).