God has been transforming me and stripping me away for the past year or so. The move to San Marcos has been very difficult, but has been the best thing for me and for my family. I have been so unsure of what to do with hard decisions, and after truly seeking God and seeking what He has planned and not what I want, I have finally made decisions that have been a long time coming. Of course, God's timing is much better than my own, so I think it was really just the right time. I finally feel like I am going to be doing what I was created to do. I ran away from it for a while (not really sure why), but I have surrendered, and I couldn't be more at peace.
Starting pretty much immediately, I am going to be co-leading our children's ministry (Kids Rock). When the church first started, I was the Kids Rock coordinator, but because we lived at the camp, it was too hard so I quit (plus I didn't know how to delegate so I got burned out). It's amazing to see how God orchestrated all of this. A few months ago I emailed my pastors about a vision that I had for our children's ministry, but I told them that I didn't know what to do with it because at the time I was looking for a full time teaching position. Well, about 2 weeks ago, I went for coffee with two friends (my pastor's wife and the person that is now going to be co-leading with me). Somehow the topic of Kids Rock came up and I found out that Ashley (co-leader) was going to be meeting with Jason (pastor) the next day. She said that she's been having a lot of vision and passion for our children's ministry, but she wasn't quite ready to surrender to it yet, she just wanted to share with Jason. We met the next day before she and Jason did, and we found out that we had the exact same vision (kind of wierd for a children's ministry). So we both met with Jason and he told us that we would have to give some other things up, and would we be able to do that. He told us to spend a week in prayer about it. We both wrestled with God through that week. The decisions that we had to make were tough. What I had to give up was being a teacher. I needed to be in a place in which if I got a job offer, I could turn in down. I know myself, and I know that if I were to teach full time, that would be my complete focus. There wouldn't be time for anything else. So, I knew that I had to give up the "dream" of being a teacher. But, luckily, God is still giving me the opportunity. A couple of days before I made my decision, I got an email about a mother's day out program (where some of the church kids go) that needed some help the week before school started so that the teachers could train and prepare. I emailed the director and told her that I'm interested in helping, but that I was also interested if they had any openings. About 30 minutes later she emailed me back and told me that she didn't have any current openings, but she would love to meet with me (2 days later) for an interview. I met with her and she told me at that time that she just knew she was supposed to hire me and that she just found out she had 2 openings. She said that she would call me that evening to let me know what they were and to be praying. She called me just a couple hours later and offered me a job. So, now I get to teach part time, get to stay home with my daughter (3 days a week, and the other 2 she goes with me for free), and I will have plenty of time to devote to my family and to our children's ministry. On top of that, God has been providing Robert with plenty of work to fill in the gap of me not having much of a salary (my job will buy our groceries).
I'm sorry to have typed out every detail, I just had to share how God has worked EVERY DETAIL out SO perfectly. It's just amazing to me.
I never quite realized how much I tried to take control. I THOUGHT I knew what I wanted, but I was SO wrong. I can't even begin to explain what this has done for me and my anxiety issues. My anxiety is from so many years of trying to take control and thinking that I knew what was best. Of course, it's still going to be a daily surrender, but I know now that I can do it.