Sad

It finally hit me.  I was looking at the pictures on my screen saver, and I saw this:

This was at Karis' two year birthday party.  Joey loved Karis.  Yet, at Thanksgiving, he didn't even know how old she was (because of the treatment that he had, he didn't have a lot of his memory).  It breaks my heart that a week before he died, he hardly knew his family.  And it breaks my heart even more that because I didn't know what to do with that, I just avoided talking to him much.  We hardly spoke before he died.  I miss this Joey- the smiling, happy, excited to be with his family, Joey.  Look how happy he was in this picture.  I'm sad that he never really got to know Ethan because he had such a bad year, and he'll never get to meet Levi.  I'm an only child, and I will never have nieces and nephews from my side of the family.  Karis' only uncle on my side is no longer alive.  It's just a lot to wrap my mind around.  I guess I just had to come to a point in which there was nothing else to do to keep my mind busy for me to start to grasp it.