Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Imperfection

 

While I’m nursing, I spend a lot of time reading blogs.  Normally blogs make me feel guilty, and like I’m not a good enough mom.  I decide after reading some blogs to make a change… only to struggle making that change… I live my life feeling guilty… so the blogs just help heighten that guilt.  BUT, I do enjoy learning about things and finding new things to try, so I continue.  Plus, there’s only so much I can do while I’m nursing 10-12 times a day :). 

Recently, I came across the blog Messy Canvas

Last year, Mandy at Messy Canvas decided to make her word for the year “imperfection.”  She learned so much and shared what she learned through her blog.  It is VERY refreshing to read about this.  If you’re interested, these two posts stuck out to me the most: 

My ‘Imperfect’ Decision
"Revisiting IMPERFECTion

Why is it that so many people (women especially) put on this view of perfection, when perfection is impossible?  Why don’t we just all show who we really are?  It would be much easier to live each day if we did… I try to always show this, but I don’t really think I do show who I really am… I also live life constantly trying to improve myself… Why do I try knowing that I can’t do it in my own power?  And most of the changes that I try to make aren’t really that important…

From her post “Revisiting IMPERFECTion…”

We know very well that we are not set right with God by rule-keeping but only through personal faith in Jesus Christ. How do we know? We tried it—and we had the best system of rules the world has ever seen! Convinced that no human being can please God by self-improvement, we believed in Jesus as the Messiah so that we might be set right before God by trusting in the Messiah, not by trying to be good. – Galatians 2:16…

…I was baffled to read we don’t please God by our self-improvement. I mean, that’s what the Christian walk is all about, isn’t it? Getting better and better? But Galatians says this doesn’t please God. It is our faith in Him that please God (Hebrews 11:6). A simple childlike faith that says God is bigger than our imperfections, our awkward situations, our mistakes, failures, pride, hurts and habits.

Instead of spending my whole time thinking about what others thought of me and how I could better myself, I should have been trusting in God and letting Him do the work of bettering me…

… Being “myself” often means being “imperfect.” I have to be okay with that…

Christ’s life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not “mine,” but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. – Galatians 2:20”

One thing that I realized recently about myself, is that if I take the pressure off to do everything perfectly and a certain way, I do things out of love rather than out of obligation… isn’t God more pleased with that anyway?  Isn’t it about our heart?

I can tell you right now… I am an IMPERFECT person…

The post that Mandy wrote when she decided to make her word for the year IMPERFECT, could have been written by me…

Much of the time, if the house is messy or things seem out of control, my first reaction is to yell.  If I feel like I can’t control my children’s behavior, I yell.  If I feel like my husband isn’t doing what I want him to, I get frustrated and often manipulative. 

I get frustrated when I’m trying to clean, cook, or blog, and people get in my way…

I don’t enjoy playing with my kids as much as I would like…  I always have an excuse as to why I need to stop (after playing for maybe just 15 or 20 minutes). 

I drink a few sodas a week… knowing that they have HFCS in them… because I LIKE them…

I let my kids eat more sugar than I should…

We don’t eat enough fruit and veggies (by far!)…

We eat out too much…

We’re not the greatest with money…

I sometimes spend too much time online (although, I really am better about this!)…

We don’t have a perfect routine… Every day looks a little different…

I haven’t cleaned our bathrooms in a LONG time (or mopped our floor!)…

I’ve actually gained weight in the past several weeks instead of losing it (doesn’t breastfeeding mean that I should be losing weight??)…

My husband loves me anyway.  My kids love me anyway.  Jesus loves me anyway. 

What I do or don’t do does not change that! 

I want to spend some time embracing imperfection and the unconditional love of Jesus. 

One thing that I think this will help me do is love others better.  If I don’t focus so much on myself being imperfect, then it will help me to stop expecting that of others too!

Now… I’m not saying that it’s okay to go out sin on purpose because of the unconditional love of Jesus.  I’m just saying that it’s important to just embrace myself as I am and stop focusing in on these things that I think are bad or wrong and focus on Jesus changing and transforming me instead of trying to do it myself.  And, as I do this, I start to see what truly does need to change (sin), and what doesn’t (the little things like a clean house). 

Will you join me??

4 comments:

DaintyDecker said...

Your post could have been written by me!! lol I struggle with the same almost the same issues. My house is a disaster, I yell too much, I HATE to be bothered when I cook, clean, read and yes, even blog! Thanks for bringing this to my attention. I also need to relax in the knowledge of myself and who I am. Even though my house is a mess, I am trying my best to instill the love of Jesus into the hearts of my children. I know that counts for something. I know that you are also doing the same Courtney. Hugs to you!

Christabelle said...

You encourage me so much! I think part of what you refer to is "mama guilt." Thank you for reminding me where to look.

Lauren said...

You are right on! I started crying reading this!!

Valerie Hunter said...

Courtney, I just hopped over here to see how things were going. This post is awesome and I loved the one about balance, too. I've struggled so much with anxiety over the past two years...and it is freeing to admit imperfections and let the "non-eternal" things go...freeing, but not easy. I still struggle (especially at certain times of the month). It was great to read these and know, once again, that there are others on this same journey as me!! Hope you have a blessed Easter!