Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Taking a Break

Robert and I were talking tonight about how much pressure I constantly put on myself. He says that I often seem like I feel like I'm going to "get in trouble" for doing things that I say I don't do. I have such a high expectation for myself and when I can't live up to it, I get stressed and/or frustrated. Then, I began to think about the post that I wrote about living the simple life, and I decided to go back and read it. Many of the inward and outward expressions of living a life of simplicity give people the freedom from anxiety. I want to stop worrying about not doing things perfectly all the time. A few things that stick out to me are- "Reject anything that is producing an addiction" and "shun anything that distracts you from seeking first the kingdom of God."

I have to say that if I write about it on my blog and I can't live up to it, it stresses me out. I feel as though if I can't live up to it, then I'm being a hypocrite and lying. As I've said before… I'm a black and white person. Just when I think I've learned balance, I start to focus too much on "natural living" and on my blog, and I start to become very black and white again.

Natural living and blogging then becomes an addiction, takes too much of my time, and distracts me from seeking first the kingdom of God and taking care of my family to the best of my ability. I want to just live life… live it naturally, but without all the pressure to do what I say I'm going to do on my blog (if that makes any sense!!).

Because of all this inward turmoil that I have, Robert and I have decided that it would be best for me to take a break from blogging for a while. I don't know how long that will be… it could be a week or two, it could be a few months. I may still update on how things are going in life in general… we'll see.

I'm NOT saying that natural living is bad… because it's good. But anything that becomes an idol (whether it be "good" or not), becomes bad.

I enjoy blogging… I enjoy researching natural living, nutrition, etc… but I want to enjoy my family more than those things. I want to enjoy spending time in the word more than those things… I want to just enjoy life and stop worrying about doing everything perfectly. All those things don't really matter compared to knowing Jesus, making Him known, and loving my family.


Sandy said...

You have grown so much in the last year, and have had to handle some really difficult circumstances. I am glad that you are focusing on God, we both know that is what is important. It also helps me remember that is what my focus should be also. I am blessed to call you friend. You are a treasure to me.

The Man Crew said...

Courtney, I think you are headed in the right direction. We all love you and know that you will find a balance that works for you and your family. Don't stress over us...we will still be here when you are ready to return to blogging. God must come first, then family...then about a zillion other things, then posting a blog. It's all good, my dear! Praying for you!