My immediate reaction last night was to begin the job search again. Then, I felt God telling me to let go. Stop searching.
This is tough for me... I want to be in control... I want to make something happen. And, obviously, I can't make something happen.
I think it would be so much easier to not work if we had our own place... but knowing that I have to work if we ever want to move out has made this all tough. And I don't know why, really. We have it pretty good here. We have everything we need. We have our own space. We love the area. So, maybe it's mostly a pride issue? I'm not sure.
I'm not sure if God is closing door after door because He's trying to tell me that He doesn't want me to work, or what, but it's hard when I'm trying to follow my husband's lead, and he wants me to work. I feel so torn. I think he wants me to work because he feels that I'll be more content... so maybe I just need to learn to be content with where we are in life... and then Robert will see that staying home is a good option.
I have been nervous about how I will be able to handle teaching full time... with three little ones...
Maybe my timing is off. It wouldn't be the first time :).
My parents are picking the kids up for the weekend, so starting at sundown tonight, I'm going to begin a fast. I'm going to fast and pray through the day tomorrow... and wait and see what happens with this school... then go from there. At this point, I am pretty sure that if another door is closed with this school that it is time for me to just decide to stay home. So, I'm going to just let go, again... I want to do what God wants even if it's not what I want (or what I think I want). :)
Sorry if this is a bit scattered... I'm a bit scattered right now :).