I'm not sure if my title makes sense, but that is exactly how I feel right now. I'm exhausted because I have been working hard the past two weeks to get things ready, and I've been learning so much in trainings.
I'm peaceful because never in my life have I felt so at peace with where we are and what we're doing. We spent so much time seeking the Lord's will for everything that we're doing right now, and it is all right. It's not easy or perfect, but it's right.
My Wonderful School
I think I have learned more about affective teaching these past two weeks than I have learned in a long time... Probably all of the important things that I learned in college all in two weeks... plus more. It has been four years since I graduated and things change in education so quickly. Plus, this school does everything in a particular way, and I'm glad because I know that it works. I have heard many, many times about where this school was a few years ago and where it is now. So, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to be part of the growth of these kids.
We got a t-shirt the other day that said "Save the World Teacher." This is our motto. We aren't there to just have a job to make money... we are there to change lives. If we can be a part of changing these kids' lives, then they can in turn be a part of changing others' lives and we can be part of breaking the cycle that many of these kids are in. I know 100% that God has me at this school to be a part of that. As I look back at the past few months/years, I see how God has been orchestrating all of this. My prayer now is that I'll be this excited in December as I am now :). I know that it will be really hard. I know that I will have days in which I doubt what I'm doing. I know I will have days in which I want to quit... but through God's power and strength, I will get through those days.
I met some of my students and their parents on Thursday night, and it really "pumped me up" even more. I've never really felt that before. I have a mission with these kids.
It's been an adjustment for all of us because everyone has been used to me being home... even when I worked the past 2 years, it was part time, so they still saw me a lot. But, they are adjusting pretty well. And I know that once the school year starts, we'll all get into a routine, and it will be even better. The kids love the home daycare that they stay in. They have made friends with the other kids, they get to learn and play, and she has even started potty training Ethan :). He has been going in the potty for her. So, I would say that we chose the right place :). They are excited about going in the morning! It makes things much easier for me :). I have struggled off and on with feeling bad about working full time, but since they love it there so much, I am actually thinking that this is good for them. Others might not agree, but I feel at peace with the decisions that we have made.
I'm so thankful for such a supportive husband. He really wanted me to teach full time (especially at the type of school that I'm at) because he knew me and he knew my heart. So, he will do anything he needs to in order to support me. He takes the kids to daycare and picks them up. He helps with meals. He helps with cleaning and laundry. He does whatever is necessary. I'm so thankful for him!
Our family has so many new opportunities here. I feel like our world has opened up tremendously. I can't wait to see what God does through our family!
Things that I'm Struggling With
I miss my kids. I'm not used to being away from them. The benefit of that is that I enjoy them so much when I'm with them, but it's still difficult. Again, once we get into more of a routine, things will get better in this area.
I've also been missing my brother a lot the past few days. Some days I honestly forget about his death and all that took place, but it hits me when I get exhausted. There's nothing that can be done about it now, and I know that he's in a better place, but it still gets to me (for obvious reasons). I also feel bad that I live so far away from my parents now. That is an adjustment in and of itself. Not only is that tough for the kids, it's tough for me as well (and them).
My parents know that we are supposed to be here, and they are happy and supportive, but it's still not easy. We're going there to visit labor day weekend, so that'll be good.
Ending on a Positive Note :)
I know that God has some amazing plans to use us for His glory. I am confident that He has us in the right place, at the right time. I know that He has used the past year, as hard as it was, to grow me to be more like Him and to have His heart. I am excited about what is to come.