Wednesday, February 2, 2011
It's Time to Come Back Home
"Don't let your eyes get used to darkness. The light is coming soon. Don't let your heart get used to sadness. Put your hope in what is true.
No matter how the wind may blow, it cannot shake the Son. Lay your sorrows on the ground, it's time to come back home.
When the future seems uncertain. Like coming of a storm. Your loving Father carries His children when they can't walk anymore!
No matter how the wind may blow, it cannot shake the Son. Lay your sorrows on the ground, it's time to come back home."
-Back Home by JJ Heller
My most vivid memory over the past year (a little more than a year) was the day that my mom called me to tell me that my brother had shot and killed himself. She was hysterical. With the kids in the car, I yelled out to Robert what had happened. I still feel bad for that, but I did it out of reaction...
My life has never been the same since. The thing is, it wasn't just his death that was tough... it was the way he died. It was a very gruesome death. My mom found him. The whole year after we all had to overcome the way he died. Now we are just missing him.
One thing that his death did in my life was to remind me how important each moment is. I received a book from a dear friend about a month later that talked about enjoying every moment as if it was a last moment (with our kids). We should appreciate even the hard moments because the kids grow up so fast and before we know it, they will be off to college. The middle-of-the-night wake ups. The tantrums. The "I can do it's." The "leave me alones." Everything. I used to think that it was bad to get the kids used to rocking them at night, and now Robert and I BOTH rock Ethan before bed because WE enjoy it, and because it helps Ethan calm down before going to sleep :). Before we started doing that, he screamed and threw a fit... then he would fall asleep out of exhaustion. Now, no fits :). All he wanted was some individual attention from mommy and daddy. What's the harm in that? We don't rock him to sleep. He would be able to get to sleep without us. But, it's in those moments that I am able to enjoy my baby that is growing up too fast.
Through the hard times of this past year, I have grown in SO many areas. The two areas that I feel like I've grown the most is: 1) not caring what others think our family should do, and 2) enjoying more of those little moments. I still have moments in which I care what others think, but for the most part, I am content with the person that God has created me to be for His glory. I see the giftings that He has given me so that I will glorify Him. I see now the path that He has carved for His glory. I am content in knowing that His plan is SO much better than any plan I could have created.
At this point in my life, I feel incredibly blessed. My relationship with Christ has grown to new levels. I am fully dependent on Him. I trust Him. I have a close relationship that I have desired forever. It will only get better :). Robert and I are closer than we've ever been. We work as a team now. My kids are wonderful, beautiful little people that are growing up so fast. I love watching them as they learn something new. My job is a perfect fit for me. I am doing what I love, and I have learned so much about being an amazing teacher in the past 7 months. I have a long way to go, but I feel like I'm on my way! God has led us to a church that loves Jesus and serves others. I don't think we could have found a better fit for a church family! And now we are in the process of beginning our lives in our own home and being settled for the first time since we got married... in a place that we know we belong and God has called us to... I can't wait to see all that God does in us and through us as we move to the area where we are called!
Yesterday, as we were stuck in the house, we worked on getting some things ready for the loan process of buying the house. Through some things that happened yesterday, God worked out some things in a way that we wouldn't have imagined! It's a long story and hard to explain, but our finances are in better shape for the future than what we would have planned. I'm so thankful that God is in control and not us!! My prayer is that we would be better about turning our finances over to Him. Robert is so much better about that than I am :). Thank goodness he has taken over our finances :).
I am just amazed today! As we are stuck in the house (again) today, my hope is to enjoy more little moments with my family!