Friday, November 25, 2011

My Heart is Full

One thing that I have realized this week is that it has been a long time since I truly loved my family... not just "I love you because I have to," but unconditional love.  I have been so stressed for several years... and I have gotten so irritable and angry at times with them when they do something that even remotely annoys me.  The biggest thing is that my kids are very young, and they do things that young children do... and because I've had so many stressful things going on, I haven't truly shown them love because I'm just stressed out by them.  I do things out of obligation and because I know they need it, but I just wanted to get through the day so that I could go to bed (life has been exhausting). 

As I put my babies to bed tonight, I realized that I haven't REALLY shown them love, and I haven't really known them, for a long time.  My baby Levi has blown me away the past few days.  I didn't realize how much he talked and how much he loves his family (he was in daycare way too much).  His daddy has a cough, and every time he coughed, Levi would say "k, daddy?"  On the way home today from my in-laws, he just kept saying "mommy, lu vu."  He always wants hugs and kisses.  He's such a sweet boy.  And my other two are growing up way too fast... I've missed so much.  I can't miss anymore.  I'm so thankful that God has led us to have me stay home with them... I was SO worried that I would look back and be full of regrets for not being with my family.  They matter more than money or security.

I'm nervous about how we're going to make it work financially, but for the first time ever, I really don't care.  I'm more concerned that I can finally be mommy to my babies... And I really don't care if that means that we have to pack up and move AGAIN... because a house isn't truly what makes a home... family is. 

At the end of this day, I can truly say that my heart is full.  I don't know what I would do without my amazing husband and beautiful babies.

"Eyes. Nose"

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