Tuesday, November 22, 2011

My Thankful Post


My life has been a roller-coaster ride for the past several years.  The fall/winter of 2008 seems to be one of my best memories ever... Robert was the Assistant Outdoor Ed director and loved his job (mostly), I was teaching part time, I started the process of living more naturally and really over-hauled how our family ate.  Karis, Robert, and I did a lot of cooking and baking together.  We made most of our Christmas gifts together.  It was just a great time.  Starting the spring of 2009, however, was one of the worst times of my life.  I started struggling more with anxiety because I found that living a more "natural life" was consuming me.  I couldn't be as perfect as I wanted.  Joey (my brother) was having a major life crisis, including trying to commit suicide and failing (ending up in ICU), then he was in one "mental hospital" after another.  He ended up being committed (by the court) to a mental hospital in September where they did electric shock therapy on him (without much of a choice)... he lost SO much of his memories.  On November 30, 2009, he took his life in a very gruesome, "only in the movies" kind of way, and my life has never been the same.  I had Levi a few months later, went through postpartum depression, then Robert quit at the camp (because he hated doing maintenance and he worked ALL the time), and we moved to Dallas.  I started teaching full time, at a VERY intense charter school, a few months later.  I haven't had a moment to catch my breath.  I loved my job, but I knew that I was never with my family... my kids were struggling, my marriage was struggling... Even though everything looked great from the outside (we were able to buy a house, etc), things always felt like they were falling apart (they weren't really, but they felt that way much of the time).  There were some really great moments in the past few years, and I will never regret working because I learned so much, but I am SO thankful that God is bringing me home. 

I'm sitting here at my dining room table, enjoying the quiet morning, sipping my pumpkin pecan coffee, and warmed by the fireplace.  My kids have been at my parents' house for a few days because we needed to get my classroom cleaned out and the house organized, so it's super quiet.  I needed some time to sit and reflect on all that the Lord has done in my life and all that He has taught me in the past few years.  My "thankful post" looks a bit different this year.

I am so thankful for...

...hard times... without them, I wouldn't be who I am today.  I wouldn't be so dependent on Jesus, and I wouldn't love my family with the intensity that I now love them...
...simple things... a fireplace, hot coffee in the mornings, classical Christmas music that makes me feel at peace, fresh cut flowers from my husband in the middle of the table, music to worship my Savior...
...the need to rely on Jesus to provide for our needs... having plenty of money isn't what it's cracked up to be.  I found myself spending more and trusting less, and the stress of making the money just wasn't worth it...
...more time with my family... I have missed them...
...knowing that eating perfectly just isn't as important as spending time with my family... I'm not needed in the kitchen as much as I'm needed to love my family...
...an amazing husband that loves his wife and family more than himself...
...beautiful children who love to learn and play (and who love their family very much)...
...a church family that I have always wanted to have... they love Jesus and others so much...
...friends and neighbors with young children for our kids to play with...
...a park in walking distance... a library just a minute down the road... a grocery store a few blocks away...
...all of our needs met TODAY, and the faith of knowing that they will be met tomorrow...
...laundry that needs to be folded because that means we have plenty of clothes...
...a house that will need to be cleaned again later today because that means it is filled with kids that are playing and enjoying life...
...a family that supports us even though what we are doing doesn't make the most sense financially...
...the ability to live simply again...
...life.

I could go on and on, but I think you get the point :).  Life is short, and I want to enjoy every part... even when times are hard.  I know now that the hard times make a person who they are.  I know that when I get "Home," I will understand everything a little bit more.  In the meantime, I'll just live knowing that God knows and understands why everything happens.  I trust Him.

2 comments:

Robin said...

Amen! xoxoxo

VAGABHannes said...

*like*
ur blog's so beautiful!
i'm from germany, but i want to go to the US one day, Texas too *_* It's home of Sandy, the squirrel, isn't it? :D