Friday, May 7, 2010
First, I just want to say a few things about my post from yesterday. I don't feel "stuck" being home right now. I know that I'm supposed to be home while my little ones are little :). I enjoy it (most days) and know that this is where God has called me. I was just saying that as I am learning about myself, I am learning that maybe being home for the rest of my life is not what I am supposed to do. Maybe God is equipping me for something else when they get a little older. I'm praying through so many options!
Second, I am amazed at how clearly I can see. I'm not talking physically (because I really need to go to the eye doctor haha), but I'm talking about mentally/emotionally. I guess I didn't realize just how much my anxiety made my mind and emotions so muddy. I didn't realize how much my anxiety made me focus in on things that didn't need to be focused on. I didn't realize how much my anxiety made me live life to please others and to do what I thought was expected of me. For the first time, I am able to ask God and ignore others' opinions. For the first time I'm realizing that I don't fit into the mold that I was trying to stuff myself into. For the first time I'm realizing that the only image I need to fit myself into is that of Christ... however that needs to look in my life.
And do you know what this feels like?? FREEDOM. Praise God for bringing me to this place. Praise God for putting people in my life to make me see that I needed to make a change. I know that He allows everything for a reason and a purpose. I am now at a point in which I can move forward and enjoy the family and life that He has given me.
Another thing that I am able to do now is focus more on others and how I can be used by God. I don't feel so stuck in my struggles that I'm unable to focus on anyone but myself.
I still have a ways to go, but I am doing so much better today than a few days ago. I'm praying that God will continue bringing me to a place of even more freedom in Him so that I can be free to love, serve, and focus on Him and others.