Saturday, April 17, 2010

What Will People Think??

So… this morning I was thinking that maybe I should delete the two posts about my postpartum anxiety.  Maybe I said too much?  Will people judge me?  Will people think that I’m making too big of a deal of this?  If I have a good day, will they think that maybe I’m just overreacting?  AM I overreacting??  Is this just in my head?  Do I just think I have a problem and I really don’t?
Then I started laughing.  Out loud.  I’m pretty sure Robert thought I was crazy.  
Welcome to my brain.  It’s constantly thinking.  Constantly worrying.  Constantly thinking “what will people think?” 
Everyone thinks these things to an extent.  I think about it all the time.
How funny is it that I am anxious about what people will think about me having anxiety?
Galatians 1:10 “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God?  Or am I trying to please man?  If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
Ouch.  I know that worrying about what people think is sin.  Yet, I can’t control it much of the time.  It just pops up in this crazy brain of mine.  All.  The.  Time.
Romans 7:15-8:3 15For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. 16Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. 17So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 18For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. 19For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 21So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. 22For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, 23but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. 24Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.
1There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 2For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. 3For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, 4in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.
Praise God for His Spirit and the grace that He gives.  Praise God for sending His Son so that I don’t have to stress about my sin, but allow Him to do a work in me.
I am confident that He will deliver me from this struggle in His time (which could be when I am home).  Until then, I will walk in the Spirit and allow Him to give me the power to overcome, day by day.  I am learning to take one. day. at. a. time.

All I Need
JJ Heller
"Don’t need a thing
My good Shepherd brings me all
You are all I need
You let me catch my breath
Even in the valley of death

You are all I need

All I need to be complete
Is Your love
Your blood that covers me

You lift up my head
You provide the wine and bread
You, You are all I need

There’s no need to fear
Even with my enemies here
You are all I need

All I need to be complete
Is Your love
Your blood that covers me

Goodness and mercy are following me
You’re all that I need

You make a home for me
Where pastures are green as far as I see
You are all I need

All I need to be complete
Is Your love
Your blood that covers me"


Jackie Lura said...

My Dear Friend,

I am so sorry you are going through this. When I told you about the book it was before I read these past posts (just read them this morning). I know you life is hectic with 3 four and under but I really hope you can find the time to read it... or atleast read Chapter 11 & 12.

You dont need to worry about what others will think. You and Robert have made the decisions that are the best thing for your household; and thats all that matters. Period.

Psalm 94:11 says The LORD knows people's thoughts; he knows they are worthless/futile! So the thoughts of others, what they think about us is worthless. But on the same hand OUR thouthts too are futile (have no useful result).

I over think things all the time. I will be talking with my mom, I will tell her "Well I think..." and she will stop me right there and say "I dont care what you think... tell me what you KNOW". My mom is very blunt :) I love her :)

Ne ways... Tell me what you know... You know Robert loves you... you know you love your kids. You know life is difficult... You know God is in control.

So when Satan pops up telling you these lies (as he is the Father of LIES) saying "your house needs to be cleaner" You tell him "I know that the world will not end if my bed is not made; I know its ok to have a messy house". If Satan trys to attack your breastfeeding you tell him "I know that my son is happy and has a full tummy and I know it does not matter by which means this occurs".

I like this quote... “God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.”

Mark Schultz "He will carry Me"
I have sung this song many a time...

I call, You hear me
Ive lost it all
And its more than I can bear
I feel so empty

Youre strong
Im weary
Im holdin on
But I feel like givin in
But still Youre with me

And even though Im walkin through
The valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And Ive been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will
Ever need
And He will carry me

I know Im broken
But You alone
Can mend this heart of mine
Youre always with me

And even though I feel so lonely
Like Ive never been before
You never said it would be easy
But You said youd see me through
The storm

I hate that you are going throught this friend.



Amber Koter-Puline said...

I feel like we are kindred spirits...this is JUST how my anxiety manifests and it stinks! Know you are not alone.