Saturday, December 4, 2010

Trying to Find Our Place

I had a very rough day yesterday and rough morning this morning.  I had somewhat of a nervous break down about mid-day today.  I wasn't sure if I was going to make it through the day.  Robert wasn't here because he was setting up/shooting a fireworks show with his friend and boss, and the kids struggle being here all day (because there is no yard), so they start throwing fits and getting very restless.  Between being exhausted still, feeling overwhelmed by the screaming going on, and just being stressed in general, I had a moment where I just had to cry.  It was a HUGE relief.  I haven't done that in a long time... and it was exactly what I needed.  I cried for a while, and then I was able to pick myself up, get myself and the kids dressed, and we got in the car to take a drive.  We went by Chick-Fil-A and had some lunch, and went into Walmart thinking I could buy a few gifts (BIG mistake... it was incredibly packed). 

Then I drove around and looked at some houses in a neighborhood somewhat close to here.  I saw many houses for rent/sale that are in our price range.  I looked up some of the houses and even though they are small, many of them are very nice on the inside with nice size back yards.  They are in a wonderful, quiet neighborhood.  The neighborhood school has an exemplary rating by the state.  As much as we want to live in Oak Cliff, I'm not sure that we'll be able to... for many reasons.  And I'm not sure that it would be the best choice.  I struggle mostly because I'm not sure where our kids will go to school there.  It is Dallas ISD, and I've only heard good things about one of the schools (all the others, not so much).  And I really don't feel that our kids are a good fit for the school that I work at, so I really don't want them to go there.  That has been the biggest worry for living there.  I love the area, but if our kids have to go to awful schools (or to a school where they aren't a good fit), I'm not sure that it is worth it.  I really like this area too (everything is a few minutes away!), and the neighborhood that I'm interested in is quiet and clean, and the houses are affordable.

At this point, I don't know where we're going to live.  I know that when I go to church tomorrow, just like every week, I'm going to want to live in Oak Cliff.  I love the area and the church.  All I know is that it's not time to move, for several reasons, and when it is time, God will make it clear where we're supposed to live.  I know that He brought us here for a reason and a purpose... and all we can do is wait and trust.  Who knows... maybe He'll move us somewhere else next year.  At this point, it wouldn't surprise me :).  Moving here was not what anyone expected to happen (including us)... so you never know.  I know that having this place to live has been a good transition for our family as we got away from camp, and me having the job that I do has taught me so much about teaching well.  And I'm always open to whatever God's plan is... I mean, I moved to a city that I said I would never live in :).  (don't ever say that, by the way!)  Here I am, just trusting that He knows better than we do.  No matter what, HOME is where my family is... so I just have to hold onto that! 

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