Saturday, December 19, 2009


Well, with the help of my wonderful camp family, we are all moved in (with the exception of the garage and a few outside things).  Now, we are in the process of unpacking... which, is very difficult when 32 weeks pregnant.  My back is hurting and I'm just sore all over because of being on my feet for several days straight.  But, I am so thankful for this wonderful home... I will get through it. 

Since I'm not anticipating the move anymore (and having that on my mind all the time), my brother is on my mind even more.  It's starting to become more and more real to me that I will never see him again (on this side of Heaven).  It's pretty tough.  This Christmas is going to be a hard one... usually Christmas is my favorite time of year, but this year I'm having a hard time even remembering that it's Christmas time.  I'm forcing myself to do "Christmas things" for my kids, but I don't enjoy it as much. 

I have realized lately why this whole thing is difficult for me to grasp.  This past year with my brother has been very different.  He hasn't been around much because he's been in and out of hospitals.  We didn't talk much at all, and when we did, he wouldn't really say much.  He has been so different.  And, this last time that he got out of the hospital, he was even more different because they had done electric shock treatment on him and he couldn't remember a lot of things.  I was more worried about him than I had ever been before.  But, there wasn't much anyone could do.  I guess that worry was there for a reason.  

On top of everything that's going on, I found out this morning that my dad's uncle is in the hospital and may not make it.  He had a heart attack and medicine is the only thing keeping his heart going.  I'm not real close to him, but my dad and my grandmother are... and they both just had a very difficult loss... I'm not sure how much more they can take. 

I'm looking forward to the day that things start to settle down and life will become somewhat normal again.  It will be a different normal, though.  So much has changed in the past 3 weeks; I feel like my life has been turned upside down.  And, I am having a new baby in less than 2 months... so not only am I anticipating that (although, it hasn't been on my mind as much as everything else lately), I'm very hormonal/emotional, which makes things harder. 

I need to just stop and spend some time with Jesus.  I haven't been doing that as much lately because I've been so busy.  I know that He is the only one who can give me strength and peace.  I need to rely heavily on Him as I go through this very difficult season in my life.    

1 comment:

The Man Crew said...

Courtney, let me say again, happy Anniversary! Moving just a few days before Christmas...WOW, good luck at being settled by then :) I am glad that you have a few things to enjoy since this past month has been so difficult for you. And also, that Robert is blessed to have you for a spouse as well. HUGS to you both and hope you are settled 'enough' to enjoy Christmas!
PS> Love, Love, LOVE your new family pics!! So precious!