Thursday, January 29, 2009

Something that I'm Learning, Slowly

This may seem a bit repetitive, and I have blogged recently about this, but I want to share what's on my heart.

As most people know (and I’ve written about it on here), I have issues with anxiety. It comes out most in being extremely worried about what others think of me, and with the need for everything to be perfect. I realize that those are both sin, but at times it’s something that I don’t have control over. I have been diagnosed with an “anxiety disorder,” and over the past several years I have gone through times in which I’ve tried to cover it up (through meds), and times in which I just felt like I was doomed to struggle for the rest of my life.

I am beginning to realize something (well, I have come to this realization to an extent in the past, but it gets deeper and deeper). The best thing that I can do is learn to accept who I am, anxiety issues and all. Yes, I have times when I am obsessive over things that I can’t do anything about, yes I have tendencies to try to do things perfectly even though it’s impossible, yes I care too much about what others think of me at times, yes I expect too much out of myself. This is part of who I am. And praise God for these weaknesses! Without these weaknesses, I would have no need for a Father who has the power to overcome them!

The more I try to cover my struggles up (by taking meds), the more I don’t feel the need for my Savior to walk with me through them. The more I freak out about them and feel that I’m such a horrible person because of them, the more I try to take control and just “do better.” The more I focus on my weaknesses and think that I’m the only person in the world who struggles with this, the more self-centered I get, and I forget who made me, and that He has the power to overcome these weaknesses. If I focus on my struggles and weaknesses, then I am just focusing on myself, and that does not do any good for anyone else, including my family.

I am who I am, and I praise God for making me the way He did. I pray that He is glorified through my weaknesses! I pray that His strength and power is shown through my struggles. I pray that others will be drawn closer to Him, and that people will see Him when they see me! I pray that His power will be shown as He heals me, daily, from my hurts and struggles.

Praise Jesus for His death on the cross and His resurrection from death because through that, I have life! I have victory over this sin through the blood of Christ. My sin has already been forgiven when I accepted Him as the Lord and Savior of my life!

Only through loving and accepting the person that I have been created to be, can I truly learn to live and my struggles will slowly get easier and easier.

Jesus could never love me more or less. He has always, and will always love me unconditionally, despite what I do or don’t do. Praise God for that!

(Check back tomorrow for a post about the best shopping trip EVER!)

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