Wednesday, March 12, 2014

I'll Just Keep Fighting


Yesterday, after my run, I felt so good mentally, emotionally, and physically.  A few hours later, I was struggling through a panic attack.  Not even sure what caused it... it just happened.

I absolutely despise anxiety, and some days I don't know if I can keep fighting it.  Anxiety affects not only me, but my relationships as well.

If I could snap my fingers and make anxiety go away, I would.  That's the problem, though.  I am powerless to make it go away.  Completely, 100% powerless.

I can fight it with prayer, reading my Bible, exercise, eating healthy, breathing techniques, yoga, writing, talking it out, counseling, medication, and even essential oils... and.  it's. still. there.  I fight it all day, every day. It's exhausting.

Some days, after fighting so hard, I feel hopeless.  I can go from feeling hopeful to hopeless in less than a day.  Sad, isn't it?  

Today, that deep feeling of anxiety is there full on, and I have to keep going.  I have no choice.  I have to pick the kids up in a few hours, and I have to take care of things.

Often, people tell me to "just let go."  I try.  I really do.  I don't choose this.  I don't like it at all.  In fact, I hate it.  If I let go, I sink into depression.  In fact, some days I feel like I'm sinking again despite all of the work that I do and the fighting that I do.

All I can do is just keep fighting.

1 comment:

Karen Edwards said...

Giving up is NOT an option... You are doing exactly what you need to be doing - praying and trusting...LOVE ya