Wednesday, March 12, 2014
I'll Just Keep Fighting
Yesterday, after my run, I felt so good mentally, emotionally, and physically. A few hours later, I was struggling through a panic attack. Not even sure what caused it... it just happened.
I absolutely despise anxiety, and some days I don't know if I can keep fighting it. Anxiety affects not only me, but my relationships as well.
If I could snap my fingers and make anxiety go away, I would. That's the problem, though. I am powerless to make it go away. Completely, 100% powerless.
I can fight it with prayer, reading my Bible, exercise, eating healthy, breathing techniques, yoga, writing, talking it out, counseling, medication, and even essential oils... and. it's. still. there. I fight it all day, every day. It's exhausting.
Some days, after fighting so hard, I feel hopeless. I can go from feeling hopeful to hopeless in less than a day. Sad, isn't it?
Today, that deep feeling of anxiety is there full on, and I have to keep going. I have no choice. I have to pick the kids up in a few hours, and I have to take care of things.
Often, people tell me to "just let go." I try. I really do. I don't choose this. I don't like it at all. In fact, I hate it. If I let go, I sink into depression. In fact, some days I feel like I'm sinking again despite all of the work that I do and the fighting that I do.
All I can do is just keep fighting.