Friday, April 17, 2009

Peace in my Heart :) (slowly but surely!)

I have been on a journey for the past couple of years, and I have been learning a lot about nutrition, supplements, herbs, natural products, organic/grass fed/cage free/local, simplifying, etc (over the course of the past few months, especially). I, at times, am overwhelmed by the amount of information and people's opinions about things!! So, it makes me feel defeated when I just can't do things the way that I would like, or the way that people say you should do things.

I am beginning to learn that I just need to entrust my family to the care of our Creator, and just do the best I can with the Holy Spirit's power. God knows my heart, and he knows what I desire, but He is ultimately in control of my family, and I need to remember that every time I make a decision for my family's health.

I don't have to do everything the way others do them, nor do I have to do everything the way everyone else says is best. Even when the information is from a reliable source, it may not be feasible for us.

Nutrition is something that different reliable sources have different information and opinions on. I just can't take what other people say is best and run with it. I have to make the decision that is best for our family, with the Holy Spirit's discernment and wisdom.

And, I don't mean this just about nutrition and natural things, I also mean that with other family decisions (well, I follow the Holy Spirit's wisdom and discernment, and my husband's leading). There are some decisions that my family has made, and they work for our family, but they wouldn't work for every one. I am learning to get over what I think other people think. This is a hard one for me, because I, too often, care way too much about what other's think or what I think they think (I KNOW that I'm not alone in this!).

Robert and I have made the decision that it's really best for our family that I work part time. I have battled inwardly because I take others' opinions and Satan can use those to really mess with me. I sometimes feel that I am being a bad mom because of what some people say! But, Robert especially thinks that it's best that I work part time, and I have decided to follow His leading on this. It's not about money (although, it helps to pay off our debt, buy the foods that we want to buy, etc), but it's about the fact that I've tried the "stay at home mommy" thing several times, and I always end up wanting to teach, or even just wanting some way for me to do something part time out of the house. My anxiety and sometimes slight depression make it difficult for me to be home all the time. That may not make sense to some, but my husband and I have dealt with it time and time again, and it just makes sense for our family that I work part time. Also, I really enjoy doing what I do. Teaching at the school that I teach at has been a privilege. My supervisor (and the whole school) is amazing. I have never been part of such an amazing school. I find fulfillment in teaching (although, my biggest fulfillment is in Christ and my family!).

What's funny to me is that I have heard this argument time and time again: "well, the Proverbs 31 woman would stay home and take care of her family." I agree that family should always be my first priority. That's why I'm working part time (10 hours a week this year, 12 hours next year; I get great holidays, and summers off!). But, if you read Proverbs 31, it shows a woman who works to make things and sell them in the markets. She's a woman who takes care of her family in many ways! I have read the argument that making and selling things is all that a mother is permitted to do because that's what the Proverbs 31 woman did. Really? That is silly to me.
I can't believe that God wants all mothers to stay home because I have known too many godly mothers who have worked. Now, if a mother's job is making it way too difficult to take care of her family, then she would need to re-evaluate if the job is God's will. BUT, that is up to her and her husband. It's no one else's place to judge. Every family is different. Every family has to make the decisions that are best for them. For me, teaching part time is a dream come true. God has blessed me with the best of both worlds! I am able to do two things that I love: teach, and take the best care of my family that I can.

Growing and maturing in Christ is a hard, but great thing :). I still have a lot to learn, and a lot of growing to do. But, don't we all?! If we didn't, then we wouldn't need Jesus. As I grow, I gain more peace.


The Man Crew said...

Courtney, I am soooo glad to hear that you are coming to a place of peace in your heart! I know that it's been a long road for you. Keep seeking the Lord and His Will and you will always be on the right track! I work part time, too and although I can't really say it's my dream job (LOL) it does suit the needs of our family at this time and it pleases my husnad to no end to see me finally putting myself under his authority in this issue. It's not about the money for us either, it's about doing something that hubby has felt I should be doing for a long time now and doing it in a way that allows us not to need sitters, or completely disrupting family time. It's the best of both worlds, just like for you! I will keep praying that this peace lasts and grows in you. You work so hard to care for your family the best that you can and I know that sometimes doing the right thing seems like such an uphill battle and no one is on your side, but remember that if God is for us, who can be against us!! Proverbs 31 is just like the rest of the Bible, you can twist it to mean anything you want, it's open to interpretation, but if you ask God to show you what it means, He will! Ain't God Good?? All the time, sister...all the time! Many cyber hugs to you, my sweet friend! Enjoy your new found peace!

nicole said...

I must say that I have often thought that working a part time job (and being mommy) would be the perfect/ideal dream. I too get a little stir crazy when I am at home full time. I love my current job and wouldn't trade it but I see how other things are suffering (ie. cleaning house, my flower beds, etc.). I'd much rather be playing w/ Abby after work than doing these other things!