Friday, February 28, 2014
I went into my counseling appointment yesterday kind of frustrated because I had been walking around with anxiety and felt that there was no reason. Some days I feel hopeless because it just "follows me" sometimes with no reason.
I've come to the conclusion that even though I don't know the reason, there's always a reason. It's usually pretty deep down, and I don't realize what's going on.
I've also realized that there is no quick fix. Medication only helps me to be able to think clear enough to get more help.
Counseling twice weekly and Celebrate Recovery are two things that I believe will help me be able to dig deeper to figure out why I am anxious.
Like I said, I went into my appointment yesterday knowing that I have more deep down, but I don't know what it is.
God reminded me through my counselor that I have a lot of lies that I carry around with me all of the time. We used a worksheet from the Breaking Free workbook by Beth Moore to work through some things.
I listed out some lies that I believe, and she said, "no wonder you're anxious!"
It was almost a relief to write everything out. It was therapeutic to see that there is a reason that I'm anxious, and also to get it out of my head and heart.
Now is the hard part... working through them... breaking the lies down... and replacing them with God's truth.
Some of the lies that I walk around with all the time are
I need to be in control. Bad things will happen if I'm not in control
If I'm not, our needs won't be met.
And it'll all be my fault.
I'm never enough.
I need to always be doing fun things with my kids to be a good mom.
Who I am is not good enough; therefore, my worth is based on what I do.
It's my fault if I'm anxious; I should be able to control it.
I should be able to control my kids' behavior.
All of these lies are heavy on me.
The heaviest one is "Who I am is not good enough; therefore, my worth is based on what I do."
I am going to be working on finding scripture to work against this lie. God's truth is stronger than the lies Satan throws at me.
I believe with a lot of work and God's power and grace I will be able to "break free" from the lies that I carry around me with. Today I'm hopeful.