Waiting

Well, I found out today that they aren't quite to the diagnosis of Bipolar II.  Technically, I am considered MDD (Major Depressive Disorder) and GAD (Generalized anxiety disorder).

They are getting to know me better before they diagnose Bipolar II.

I'll be honest, it's kind of frustrating.

But I have to be patient.  This waiting stuff is hard.

Then, I went to the doc for my jaw (my TMJ is bothering me and the work that the chiropractor did wasn't enough), and my blood pressure was high (the top number was 150... that's all I remember).  Apparently my stress level is up.  And I realized that I feel that way every afternoon.  It builds and builds when I'm at outpatient.

I'm not sure what to do with this.  I'm not sure why I'm so anxious/stressed out at the end of the day. 

I talked with my counselor, and she reminded me to talk with my counselor and doctor there.  Have my blood pressure taken at the end of the day there to see if that's the case.  Give it time.

Time.  Patience.  Waiting.  

I hear these words a lot.  I feel like that's all I do.

I'm waiting for my jaw pain to go away.  I'm waiting for a diagnosis.  I'm waiting to hear that they're stepping me down to shorter days.  I'm waiting until I'm done with outpatient before I can really move on with my life.

And in the midst of this waiting, I'm having to let go of control and realize that there's a greater purpose to all of this.  There's a reason.

I need to slow down.

It's hard. 

Until next time...