Yesterday was a good day, and it included very little about being productive (though maybe productive in another way). I'm finding that my goal now is to engage more with my family, even though that can be hard at times... there are times when my body physically wants to just get away from it all and isolate.
My house has been somewhat a mess for two days, and I have left it in order to spend time with the kids. I even worked with Ethan on school on a very messy table. That's a big deal. I'm getting there :-).
Yesterday, my goals were to 1) Drive to Oak Cliff to see friends and buy chickens from a friend, 2) Have appointment with my counselor (with my hubby), and 3) Pick kids up from school (this is the first week that I'm starting this).
Instead, much more happened (in a good way). I did drive to Oak Cliff, but instead of only seeing friends and getting my chickens, one of my friends gave me a ton of food for my pantry. It completely shocked me :-). Tons of grains to grind, Celtic sea salt, coconut, popcorn, brown rice, snacks, butter, cream cheese, etc.
Then on my way home, I got the call from Trader Joes to have an interview on Thursday. It completely shocked me because I was told it could take up to 30 days to hear from someone. Instead, it took 1 day.
Robert and I had an amazing appointment with my counselor that was incredibly helpful (as usual) and is helping us move forward with some things. I absolutely love my counselor.
She is helping us see where my cycles start and how they spiral downward. She is helping Robert know how to help me without enabling or forcing me to do something I can't do. She also talks about how if I am being productive, make sure that I'm still engaging with the kids and Robert and not shutting them out. I'm having to learn how to live in the "in-between." This means not extremely depressed, and not extremely productive. I'm learning what "just living" looks like.
Then, I picked the kids up, came home, and did some math with Ethan using Legos :-). I also printed some word problems that included a place to draw a picture, use tally marks, and write the number sentence. We worked a bit on this. Once he was "done" (couldn't concentrate any longer), I decided to let him play. He is 5.
I got a little anxious in the afternoon (which, I do typically), but once Robert got home, I was okay. Instead of retreating to my room, I decided to force myself to engage with the family, and it definitely helped me to not feel depressed or make things worse.
The kids had dinner on the patio while we lit a fire in the fire pit and just enjoyed a nice evening, watching the chickens roam and peck the ground happily.
Karis named 4 of the chickens. I named Foghorn (you know, like Foghorn Leghorn, the cartoon character), but she liked it. The two "twins" are just that they are identical. One is a little fatter than the other.
Foghorn (she's a White Leghorn)
Red Head and Twin 1
Twin 1, Goldie, and back of Red Head
Twin 2, Foghorn, Goldie, and Red Head
You'll have to ignore all the random wood everywhere... we ended up burning it in the fire pit ;-).
I worked with Karis a little bit on a project that's due in a few days, bathed the kids, then they all went to bed. I then enjoyed some quiet time alone outside (reading one of my Childbirth Ed books). It was a beautiful night. Robert wasn't feeling well so he wasn't able to join me.
JJ Heller's song (above my writing) says, "There are far, far better things ahead than what I leave behind. Will You help me find my way?"
I believe there are better things ahead, and they are starting to happen. I just have to still take one day at a time because there are a lot of things that worry me that I have no control over. If I try to control them, they control me.
Until next time...