We went to a Celebrate Recovery last night and while it wasn't a good fit for us (the location), I realized something...
All this time, I have somewhat been hoping for a "quick fix." It wasn't a conscious thought, but it has been my deep desire.
Problem is, that's not going to happen.
This anxiety/depression has been building and getting worse for years... it's going to take a long time to unravel it all.
Working on getting better is exhausting. I feel as though I have no choice to focus on it. While it seems on the outside that life is so good now, it's still pretty hard.
I'm having to learn ways to cope... learn my triggers... learn and understand how my downward spiral starts, and how to keep it from happening.
And each day, I have to work hard at something all day, every day... and it feels like a job.
Then, I don't sleep. Which adds to the struggle.
I'm interviewing for a part time position at Trader Joe's Thursday, and if I get it, that will be about all I can handle on top of working to get better and working with my hubby to take care of our home/family :-). But, I need a job, and this will be low stress! I'm just praying that God's will will be done in this!
Like I said at the beginning, I went to a Celebrate Recovery on Monday that wasn't the best fit, but I'm trying another one on Thursday. I at least have a good idea of what it's like, so I can make an informed decision. We (my friend and I) are going to visit another one on Thursday. If I get a job I'm not sure if I can continue, but I know that God has a plan so He has those details worked out already :-).
Anyway... I'm realizing that this is going to be a long and drawn out process, and I have a lot of learning to do still.