Thursday, February 20, 2014


Through a dream about school early this morning, I woke up realizing that my dream of teaching really may be coming to an end... and it is a process that I will have to grieve.  Because of my anxiety, the amount of take home work and stress involved in teaching are too much to bear (along with taking care of my family... which should be first priority and it isn't when I'm teaching).

I'm seeing God use me in different ways, but it is not how I imagined He would use me, so it's a bit confusing.  Why would He gift me in the area of teaching if I'm not going to be teaching?  Maybe I'll teach part time again... that remains to be seen.  Even so, teaching part time still involves a lot of take home work that I'm not sure I can handle.  Maybe in a few years.

I was reminded this morning that God is using me through my writing about my experiences.  I know that He is, but like I said earlier, this is just different than I imagined He would use me.

I came to the conclusion this morning that though I will have to grieve not being able to teach, and I'm a little confused by the fact that I can't despite the desire and gifting, I just have to trust Him and know that He knew this was all going to happen... He has a plan for it all.  My dreams aren't always lined up with His will... and at this point, my desire is to just be aligned with His will.  If that means I work at Trader Joe's, or Whole Foods, or REI, or where ever, so be it.  He has a reason and a purpose that glorifies Himself and grows His Kingdom.  Maybe He wants me to share with someone there.  Maybe He wants me to have time to write so that I can continue sharing my story here.  Who knows?  Well, He does :-).

I have my interview today at Trader Joe's, and I just keep praying that God will open the door if that's where He wants me, or close it if it's obvious that it's not the right direction.  I'll keep you all updated.

Until next time...


Jackie Lura said...

I know exactly how you feel... I want a baby. I have for a long time. I believe I am a good mother (I NOT SCREAM much less than I DO SCREAM, LOL). And I believe God has placed this desire in my heart, so why am I still not pregnant? I feel as though a little piece of my hope dies each month and after 24 months not much is left.

Jackie Lura said...

I know how you feel, on the deferment of dreams. I dream of having another baby. I long for another baby. I believe God has placed this desire in me. And I believe that I am a good mom. So why am I not pregnant yet? It's been 24 long months and with each passing month my hope dwindles.